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Hello all.
Im not going into great detail about where I stand on things. I want to keep this as short as possible. For 2 ½ years, ive kept this journal. Ive taken on the idea of going back to a written journal for reasons that don’t need mentioning. Im just disenchanted with a lot of things regarding people and the online community in general.
This is going to be my last entry. I had fun with this journal, but it was just a way to exercise my writing capabilities. Its possible I may start a new journal, but that will be decided in the dead of winter when things seem to be going in a different direction than they are right now.
Im older now. Ive decided to grow up. My tastes have changed. My outlook has changed. I still subscribe to the same belief / value system. I just no longer have interest in being involved with silly trivial things that have always been trivial.
Im not deleting this for the simple fact that I want it to be around for people to read how I was feeling and how I have grown.
If any of you reading this care to keep in touch, send me an email at the address listed on my profile page.
Regards,
Sean StewardCurrent Mood:  content Current Music: Miles Davis-Kind of Blue |
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Im sitting here catching a buzz and I thought that I iwould say something or at least attempt to say something interesting.
Heres my Friday night. Im drinking 40s of Budweiser, eating Tostitos and my dads guacamole, and listening to john Coltrane. Beer gets warm fast, doesn’t it. Ive been sitting here for the past hour reading the old reprints of the MAD comic book before it was a magazine.
Ok, so I thought I had something to say. This music is really great. Ive always dug the jazz, but I do like this. I guess this is a sign that I am getting older.
Im anxiously awaiting my trip home next week. I may or may not go to atlantic city. I want to see a bunch of people I don’t normally see. I am going to do that. I just don’t know anything for sure except for the fact that I am going home.
I am going to the carnival in Newberry tomorrow. The one girl who likes me wanted me to go, but it’s a group thing. She told me tonight that she liked me, well I told her I knew, and she seemed like she was upset with me because I knew and I didn’t say anything. Despite everything, im not looking for a girlfriend and shes not looking for a boyfriend, so whatever…
It’s a pain in the ass trying to get out to meet people then people don’t show up. I don’t get that anymore. If your not going to show up, try to give a heads up. That’s common courtesy.
So I finally found some music by John Coltrane. I dig it. I cant say that it rocks, it jams, or anything like that, but I dig it. Oh, and another thing about music, the mp3 format really frusterates me. That’s all I have to say about that.
The weekend is here and its my time to draw because I am not working and my hours are alright.
Well since im just rambling since I have half a 40 in my system I will end this abruptly by saying, “have a nice weekend”Current Mood:  drunk |
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I can’t really complain about my summer. Im not doing everything I wanted to do, but I am happy. I’m going home for week starting next Saturday. I work full time, but my job is a cakewalk and the money is amazing. I spend a lot of time drawing, despite all the time I spend screwing around. The time is just the balance. Too much of anything is a bad thing. For anything positive to happen or for time to take its course, balance is a requirement
So I did it. I swore up and down I wasn’t going to do it but I did it. About 2 weeks ago, I broke down and got a 30GB iPod. There. I said it. I don’t yet understand the hype, its neat but there are things about it I don’t like. That is, the mp3 music format.
Anyways… for the first time since I moved here, I will be going and doing something constructive when I go home. I will be, that is, there are plans being made to go to Atlantic City for an overnight trip. Im hoping that I get to spend as much time as possible with Katie. I’m more excited to go home now than when I went home in December. I guess the thing is I have something to look forward to. This time im not homesick either. Im just anxious to say I did something this summer. Something worth talking about.
As time goes on, I get excited over the thought that anyone is capable of accomplishing anything they damn well want to. If a person wants something bad enough in life, one will find a way to get it. And I’m not talking about winning the lottery or convincing the world that your ideas are the best ideas. I mean as far as personal goals and what you want with life. Most people sit around and bitch that everything sucks and all life is, is paying bills and going to work. Those are the most oppressed classed. The defeated. Im not saying there is anything is wrong with pessimism, but when you limited yourself to what’s only in front of you, you have ultimately lost the battle happiness and giving in to dumb stupid ass bullshit.
In my personal life, im excited to be alive as always and im currently obsessed with the minutemen. The old punk band from the early 80’s. im looking for some good jazz music. I want to know some good John Coltrane records. He is supposed to be it. Speaking of jazz, I guess I am going thru changes. Im bored with a lot of hardcore bands. I hate popular music. There hasn’t been any decent popular music since the Beatles broke up 36 years ago, unless you count the Ramones or Nirvana.
I’m looking forward to spending time with my sister. Im looking forward to seeing everyone I don’t get to see everyday.
I guess I have to start getting ready for another fun day at work. Im glad I have my ipod. I can’t stomach another minute of the oldies station. That’s so played out. It has been since last summer.Current Mood:  good Current Music: itunes party shuffle |
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So the story goes…
Everyone I know seems to have quit smoking marijuana. Good. I don’t really care. I think its great when people decide to quit something that they feel isn’t benefiting them any longer and start something else in its place to balance the difference.
There is a small handful of women that are into me right now. Right now I don’t really care about that. I care for very few people in my life and im not trying to make new friends. Shit, im not even sure that im interested in keeping in touch with anyone. Im working full time and try to take any and all time I have to myself with a lot of consideration.
I don’t want to sound ignorant, but I feel that I want to acquire that nasty habit my sister has and that is to burn bridges without a second thought in mind. It’s just that I don’t want to keep up with every one from my past. There are a few people I love and cherish. Those are the people that matter most.
My new summer plan. Wake up early in the morning and go out and sketch/draw various places in town. I don’t leave the house enough when im working and that seems to kill my summer. Not getting out of the house enough.
I go home for 8 days beginning July 1st. yea. Nothing planned. I’m going to hang with my sister and Katie. I have promised a few people that I would chill with them but I haven’t been feeling socialable lately unless im at work. Whatever.
So that’s the big news. Everyone quit smoking pot and lots of ladies find me interesting.
Now that you’re done reading this, do something interesting like put a puzzle together or bake some blueberry muffins.Current Mood:  blank Current Music: husker du-new day rising cd |
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I don’t really know what to write about anymore, regarding my personal life. I don’t think it’s really a matter of discussion. At this point in time, im more focused on drawing and writing stories.
This isn’t the end, just when I first started this journal it gave me reason to "quit" using a notebook to write about my feelings and personal life. I think it’s a great way for me to exercise my writing capabilities, but I find it to be a bit trivial these days. What I am saying that there are greater concerns other than me having a great day at work or scoring something cool from eBay.
I want to use this journal for photos, drawings, or whatever else seems appealing. My feelings and opinions don’t change too much if any. My concerns are the same, my interests are as well. From this point on I will put random posts in about “turning points” im my life. I am only interested in displaying stuff ive drawn or adventures ive been on or trying to network with people.
I am truly sick of “online”. Myspace has left a sour taste in my mouth. I don’t care much for AIM. That’s how I talk to my sister. Ebay, well lets not go there. Ha!! I DO TRULY LOVE LIVEJOURNAL. I LOVE TO WRITE.
I have always said I will always keep this journal and that is my plan. This sounds like the end, yes, but something happened the other day.
I decided that I wanted to *GASP* “grow up”. I still am the same person. I just want to begin carrying myself differently. As I have mentioned before that the past 5 years were the most meaningful time in my life and through that time I have wanted to put theory into action so many times.
The time has come.Current Mood:  pensive |
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i was hanging out with Lewis the other night and i was drawing the entire time at his apartment. i drew this picture/comic and he said it was my subconscious portrayal of him.
he doctored the image up on photoshop but the reason it looks fuzzy is because i used an an H pencil then i went over it with a B pencil and it looked weird because of the mixed graphite.
there are more of these on the way.
Jun. 7th, 2006 @ 01:14 am
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| » missing you. |
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i think the reason ive been feeling different lately is because me and katie work alot and we dont get to talk a fractions as much as we used to.
Jun. 3rd, 2006 @ 01:21 am
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| » After work hours |
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I REALLY REALLY wanted to post last night. I thought about it. I was tired and in a bad mood. Last night everyone was in a bad mood. We cleaned the same dorm rooms 3 times in 3 consecutive weeks. Tonight we finally moved and it was a relief. WE are working in the Campus View dorms. Let me tell you something. Since I started this job, all I have been doing is the bathroom. There is no A/C at these dorms, so the bathroom is like a sauna.
I really can’t wait till next weekend. Shannon and Christa are coming to visit me and we are going to eat at the Ichiban Japanese restaurant. I can’t wait!! I am doing the unspeakable and getting an ipod. It will be paid off next weekend and also I will be done my community service. Shit, I wont even be there the whole day tomorrow. Technically, I will only work about an hour and then my time is completed.
I haven’t seen Christa since one time when she was working at Wal-Mart in Lehighton about 3 years back. Let me tell you something. She gave me a big hug. She was always one of those people that I will ALWAYS be attracted to insanely. It’s going to be fun.
So I am sitting here drinking a Corona. Damn, this beer tastes good, especially when I haven’t even taken a shower yet. I smell like a sweat rag.
I’ve been frustrated lately because I don’t normally get to do anything constructive during the day. I work second shift and it just kills me. I have been getting up at 830 am on average the past week or two, so all is well in that department.
All I have really been thinking about is how I can’t wait to go back to school in the fall. The first semester there I just wanted to say fuck everything and now im bummed because I want to go back. A lot of the reason has to do with the fact that during April, I met so many cool, hip, interesting people. They all came and went too fast. I know that this summer is going to be a lot more fun than last summer.
I have been riding my bike a lot lately and truthfully, that’s been the only thing really keeping me going besides all the drawing I have been trying to do, despite my work schedule. I have been drawing this Wile E. Coyote sort of landscapes. Well it also looks like this intergalactic sort of sci-fi stuff also.
I ended up scoring those comics I had my eyes on the past week from eBay that I mentioned in my last post. I have been really into checking stuff out on eBay, even though I am trying to say money. And that’s my goal, I am going to save money, because quite honestly, I don’t know what I am going to do in the next year and a half after time is up. Me and Katie are planning a crazy trip but we don’t know where yet.
Speaking of crazy trips, we are also planning on going to Washington DC. I have been talking about this for quite sometime. Not quite sure yet what’s going on yet.
Last night would have been a better post, since there would have been more emotion. Right now im not quite feeling any sort of… I don’t know what im trying to say. I suppose what im trying to say is that im rambling on about nothing of any major concern.
I have had a copy of the MINUTEMEN-DOUBLE NICKLES ON THE DIME record for a few years and finally got some more music by them. I have to say this, they are one of the finest bands and I can’t wait till the DVD comes out. I could go on about these guys but I really have to get up in the morning in about 6 hours and I have just opened another beer.
Hopefully sometime soon I get some art work up online so that you all can check out some recent sketches of mine.
Rock on.
Jun. 3rd, 2006 @ 12:23 am
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| » (No Subject) |
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question:
why is williamsport more racist than my small ass hometown?? there is a far more diverse population and ive encountered more people who discriminate here.
im puzzled.
May. 31st, 2006 @ 11:21 am
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| » sweatin' to the oldies |
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So what I do best in the summertime is sweat. I sweat so damn much, most people that see me sweating ask me if I have a medical condition. No. I just happen to sweat a lot. I hate when sweat drips down on something that I am working on, no matter how much it is.
In other news, I am working on a completely new comic that stars a heart, club, spade and diamond that walk, talk, quarrel and discuss the universe. This is going to be a fun one. Sho ‘nuff comix.
It’s hard to believe that I just finished classes 2 weeks ago and I have to go back in another 2.5 months. At least I know this summer I have cool things planned and not hating life, as was the deal about a year ago.
I am almost done with the little league field. I don’t mind spending time there, but I hate having obligations that I must fulfill because of bullshit.
I finally started my writing project on records and such.
Some cool eBay findings. The complete Fritz the Cat by r. crumb and a set of graphic novels by Vaughn Bode. LIZARD ZEN and THE LIZARD OF OZ. The OZ story was started by Vaughn before his death and completed by his son Mark a few years back. The price is right.
I’ve been digging Bode for quite sometime now. I love his style, not to mention that he was a HUGE influence on the 80’s graffiti/ hip-hop counterculture. I haven’t yet made up my mind on how I feel about his portrayal of womyn. I will eventually come to that conclusion as I read more of his work. Visually, Bode’s work is very appealing. I have been incorporating his style into my drawing style. He definitely is one of my favorite cartoonists, if not THE favorite.
Anyone not familiar with his work, please take note of my user pic. That is his most famous character, CHEECH WIZARD. I am interested in seeing the movie WIZARDS which is a Bode rip-off done by Ralph Bakshi, who did the FRITZ THE CAT movie, COOL WORLD, HEAVY TRAFFIC, and a few other films I cant think of at the moment. I have yet to hear anything good about this guy.
I guess that is about it.
Sweat on.
May. 30th, 2006 @ 12:52 am
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| » (No Subject) |
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| Your Personality Is Like Acid | 
A bit wacky, you're very difficult to predict.
One moment you're in your own little happy universe...
And the next, you're on a bad trip to your own personal hell! |
| You Belong in 1974 |
If you scored...
1950 - 1959: You're fun loving, romantic, and more than a little innocent. See you at the drive in!
1960 - 1969: You are a free spirit with a huge heart. Love, peace, and happiness rule - oh, and drugs too.
1970 - 1979: Bold and brash, you take life by the horns. Whether you're partying or protesting, you give it your all!
1980 - 1989: Wild, over the top, and just a little bit cheesy. You're colorful at night - and successful during the day.
1990 - 1999: With you anything goes! You're grunge one day, ghetto fabulous the next. It's all good! |
May. 28th, 2006 @ 01:58 am
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| » (No Subject) |
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| You Belong in 1974 |
If you scored...
1950 - 1959: You're fun loving, romantic, and more than a little innocent. See you at the drive in!
1960 - 1969: You are a free spirit with a huge heart. Love, peace, and happiness rule - oh, and drugs too.
1970 - 1979: Bold and brash, you take life by the horns. Whether you're partying or protesting, you give it your all!
1980 - 1989: Wild, over the top, and just a little bit cheesy. You're colorful at night - and successful during the day.
1990 - 1999: With you anything goes! You're grunge one day, ghetto fabulous the next. It's all good! |
May. 28th, 2006 @ 01:57 am
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| » news flash |
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Ok. So I don’t know exactly what my short term goals are creatively, but I don’t know how often I am going to be posting in this. I’m working on a piece about my life and records that have had an impact on me. This is going to make my older entries look like a paragraph. I am working on it slowly but surely. I’m sure to make a project and a half of it.
I want to scan a lot of my sketchbooks and take what I feel are my best pieces and put them online. Im thinking im going to do something with the deviantart.com account I have and maybe even start a new journal, exclusively for my artwork.
In other news, I am going to be making shorter posts. Most people are not used to seeing short posts from me, but get used to it. Everyone should also note that if they want to hang out with me, let me know. I spend as much time drawing as possible. I don’t care about much else anymore.
May. 28th, 2006 @ 01:49 am
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| » (No Subject) |
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Why don’t the ladies like guys with beards? And why does it seem like everyone hates me these days? My new goal in life is to piss everyone off.
May. 26th, 2006 @ 12:00 am
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| » (No Subject) |
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| You Are Big Bird | 
Talented, smart, and friendly... you're also one of the sanest people around.
You are usually feeling: Happy. From riding a unicycle to writing poetry, you have plenty of hobbies to keep you busy.
You are famous for: Being a friend to everyone. Even the grumpiest person gets along with you.
How you life your life: Joyfully. "Super. Duper. Flooper." |
May. 25th, 2006 @ 11:51 pm
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| » webcam perverts trying to make easy money |
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Why do these women add me on myspace as a way to promote their webcam shows? I don’t care to see someone sitting in their underwear shoving a pickle in their twat. It really doesn’t interest me. I don’t get it. The only reason that I don’t delete my myspace account is because that is how I keep in touch with people. nothing more nothing less.
May. 25th, 2006 @ 01:49 pm
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| » human hypocracy |
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Its funny. Little things stick out to me. Things about people that seem oxymoronic. The straightedge kid that needs an aspirin for his headache. The vegan girl that eats tuna fish. The anarchist guy that has corporate logo tattoos.
I suppose it’s true. We are all hypocrites in one way or another. Our “labels” find oxymoronic ways around things we stand for. We are all guilty.
May. 25th, 2006 @ 01:18 am
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| » (No Subject) |
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| Your Ideal Pet is a Big Dog | 
You're both energetic, affectionate, and a bit goofy.
And neither of you seem to mind very slobbery kisses! |
| You Are Navy Blue | 
You're a true adventurer. You constantly find yourself drawn to new experiences, people, and places.
Sometimes you feel quite scattered and bored. If something exciting isn't going on, you feel a bit lost. |
| You Have A Type A- Personality |
You are one of the most balanced people around
Motivated and focused, you are good at getting what you want
You rule at success, but success doesn't rule you.
When it's playtime, you really know how to kick back
Whether it's hanging out with friends or doing something you love!
You live life to the fullest - encorporating the best of both worlds |
| Halloween Horoscope for Capricorn |
Your friends see a whole other side of you on Halloween - brash and bold.
You make be reserved and conservative most other days, but on the 31st... look out!
Costume suggestions: A stripper or naughty priest / nun
Signature Halloween candy: M & M's |
| You Are Mud Pie | 
You're the perfect combo of flavor and depth
Those who like you give into their impulses |
| Your Extroversion Profile: | | Cheerfulness: Very High | | Friendliness: Very High | | Excitement Seeking: High | | Sociability: High | | Activity Level: Medium | | Assertiveness: Medium |
| Your Seduction Style: Au Natural | 
You rank up there with your seduction skills, though you might not know it.
That's because you're a natural at seduction. You don't realize your power!
The root of your natural seduction power: your innocence and optimism.
You're the type of person who happily plays around and creates a unique little world.
Little do you know that your personal paradise is so appealing that it sucks people in.
You find joy in everything - so is it any surprise that people find joy in you?
You bring back the inner child in everyone you meet with your sincere and spontaneous ways.
Your childlike (but not childish) behavior also inspires others to care for you.
As a result, those who you befriend and date tend to be incredibly loyal to you. |
| Your True Love Is an Aquarius | 
Why you'll love an Aquarius:
Independent yet devoted, you'll appreciate the unique approach to love Aquarius takes.
You both see love as a bit of a game, and Aquarius will challenge you until you're completely hooked.
Why an Aquarius will love you:
You're secure enough to give Aquarius tons of space - even if it means separate interests and friends.
You have the brains to keep Aquarius engaged and curious. And the passion to change the world together! |
| You Are 73% Addicted to Blogthings | 
You lead the pack when it comes to posting Blogthings.
And your friends (mostly) thank you for it.
It's cute that you insist on being called your Japanese name.
Just stop bragging about your IQ score! |
| You Christmas Stocking Will Be Filled with Money | 
You've either been really really good this year...
Or Santa is trying to pay you off! |
| Your Stress Level is: 33% | 
You are slightly prone to stress, but generally you keep it under control.
You know how to relax and take things as they come, even when your worlds seems to be falling apart.
Occasionally, you do let yourself get stressed out, but you snap out of it pretty quickly. |
| You Are 28% Abnormal | 
You are at medium risk for being a psychopath. It is somewhat likely that you have no soul.
You are at low risk for having a borderline personality. It is unlikely that you are a chaotic mess.
You are at low risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is unlikely that you are in love with your own reflection.
You are at medium risk for having a social phobia. It is somewhat likely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement.
You are at medium risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is somewhat likely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer. |
May. 23rd, 2006 @ 01:13 am
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| » overanalyzation |
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It’s true. I’m an oxymoron.
I obsess over little things. I over analyze meaningless crap that everyone overlooks (read: I am a worry wart) I like to think im a positive thinking optimist and I am, but one thing can ruin my whole day even though it works out in the end. Usually this translates to me getting yelled at, told off, or called out on my shit.
If there is anything that offends me more than discrimination, it’s being yelled at. I cannot handle being yelled at by anyone younger, older or the same age. When someone tries to tell me what’s up and/or why I’m fucked up, that kills my whole day. Afterwards, I obsess over it and feel like a waste of time.
I am just venting because I made a phone call to someone returning a message after I got off of work. I should have used some common sense which I have always seemed to lack. The phone rang a few times and then I heard a click. I know it’s not a big deal, but im thinking that she couldn’t get back to sleep and will be mad at me. That bothers me. When she is mad at me I obsess over it. The thing is we don’t talk about it because then she gets more upset and we don’t want that. So….
I can talk philosophy for hours but I can’t seem to take the straight easy route. I always have to make everything more difficult. I know the next time we talk it wont get brought up, but im going to obsess over it for the rest of the night.
Whatever. Get over it.
May. 23rd, 2006 @ 12:24 am
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| » (No Subject) |
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since i work second shift now, i need to start waking up earlier, if i expect to do anything constructive during the day.
i also have to keep in mind that some people are in bed by the time i get off work and i shouldnt try to call them.
May. 22nd, 2006 @ 11:40 pm
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falling_icarus's journal